Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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