I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
