Sry I called you an 8
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
