spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize