My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
