I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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