Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
