she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
