Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
