I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You ate ashes out of my bong
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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