I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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