some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
