You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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