He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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