Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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