Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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