Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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