Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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