Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
