yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i came on her dog
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
