Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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