You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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