Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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