alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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