I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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