Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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