best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
