I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
