Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
