4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
