the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
