life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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