I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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