tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
