Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
