mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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