How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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