Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
