On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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