he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
