if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize