Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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