the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
