Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
