the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
