Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
