another moral hangover. fuck.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
