So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
