And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
