I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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