I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
