he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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