Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
