Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
