he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
