That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize