I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
