i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
