i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize