I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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