this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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