I can text with my tongue
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had to cum in my sink.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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