I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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