yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
