Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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