i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
