is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
