Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
