i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
