And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
