You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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