Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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