That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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